First off:

There are 12 Banded Rainbow Fidget Pens newly listed in the shop, as of this writing.  (I kept saying I was busy – and I really was!)

There’s also more pens in progress, as well as prep for the Orlando Pen Show going. There will be some exclusive pens available first at the show. Patreon pens for Fall 2024 are also in the trial stages – I’ll be posting photos once I have something worth sharing to Patreon, as usual.

Also, you’ve probably seen me mention it, but my solo show in St Pete, FL has it’s opening reception this Saturday. A solo show is a tremendous amount of work – and a kinda huge investment for artist, curator, and gallery – so this one’s a big deal. 

(And off we go.)

There’s a lot going on right now, and I made the call to close a 5 year old business of mine down this week, as well – The Tabula Rasa Farm is closing it’s doors as a handcrafted soap and incense shop. I’ve been running that shop and production alongside the art and pens this entire time, and I realized that I can’t keep doing it. I’m at a point where I have to decide who I want to be – and I’m an artist more than I am a soap maker or farmer.

This wasn’t an easy call. The identity that was tied up in the Farm was the person my late husband knew, and the farm was something he and I held as a dream together. Letting it go is like letting go of another part of the person I was then, admittedly, anormal something we all do as we grow, and while I am proud of who I am, who I’ve become, the growing I’ve done – the grief is still a very real experience. Grief for the person I thought I was going to be, but am not; grief for the person my late husband knew and loved and that I am no longer. I am proud of who I am, and I wouldn’t go back – but that doesn’t change that there is still a sorrow in saying goodbye to that dream and that version of me.

Please don’t worry – I’ll be alright, and I’ll probably make some art about it. Which… yeah, probably tells you everything you need to know about whether or not this was the right call. It’s still hard for now though, and worth sharing how even immensely positive growth is this hard and can hurt this much, and that it’s why so many of us fight it so hard. Pain, hurt, and the unknown are scary –  often because, even if we survive, some parts of who we are don’t survive it. Or, even more frightening, our worldview doesn’t. 

I won’t lie and tell you that it’s easy – but I’d like to believe it’s going to be worth it.

– A. Markov