First off: 

There are ten new Bebes in the shop, mostly new colors or Art Pens. The first three of the Camelot collection are available, in case you were waiting on Merlin or Morgana. (There’s a third though.) There’s also the purple color-shift I posted to Instagram this week, and the four other purples that I set with genuine cubic zirconias – Stars – in some unexpectedly lovely Frankenstein of skill-crossover. (I was a jeweler professionally for a bit.) The four Star-set pens took longer to finish than was social-media-friendly; those extra finishing coats took a while – and a lot of polishing. Oh, then there’s a brighter Fireworks, and the Macaw, a slimmer body Bebe in cobalt blue, gold and orange. 

It’s a good drop – I like this little group of pens. (I think I prefer doing more frequent, but smaller, drops. It’s just a little lower stress, yanno?)

And, that all said, off we go. Today, a list:

Things That Gave Me The Feels Recently

• The realization that it wasn’t a matter of being not enough, or too much – it was a matter of being inconvenient and unwanted.
• I still sometimes reach for his hand in the car when I drive by myself, almost four years later. It doesn’t hurt, but it aches a bit, under the memory blessing.
• Recognized that saying you genuinely enjoy living with your adult kids as decision-making members of your household is probably a sign you did okay as a parent. 
• Barbershop Chorus often feels like I have gained at least three new grandfathers on any given week, and a couple older brothers as well. Highly recommend, even at age 41. 
• I would rather know for certain that Nothing Will Be Happening than to keep waiting and feel twisted up about Something Maybe Happening. How much more surprised me a bit.
• My kids bringing me small favorite things for Mother’s Day made me burst into tears: four gas station roses (one in each color), jalapeno kettle potato chips, and beef jerky.
• Friends inviting me to a special event as their guest, because they wanted to spend time hanging out, had me thinking about what it means to be liked for who you are, again.
• The ten pens in this drop look so much better as a group than I thought they would- thanks to burn out and that odd desensitization that happens after you spend enough time looking at your own work without a break.
• Decided that I was more than allowed to take my work seriously enough to invest in truly good tools – I had to take it that seriously. That meant taking time to invest in skill development and better-than-bare-minimum, more-than-make-do equipment, two things I’ve struggled to feel like I deserved. I deserve better than fighting with my tools constantly, and so does my work, and so do my customers. 
• My new commercial-grade resin 3D printer arrived. It works beautifully and it is so good to have one of my stronger skill sets at my disposal for design and manufacturing again. 
• I have been surprisingly, consistently, productive after midnight the last few months. I think I know where my nervous system learned it was safest to unwind late at night, however I would like to be done with writing newsletters and asleep before 4am a little more often than I have been lately. 

(Sorry. Again.)

A. Markov