//12:06pm

I have four pens about finished, as of last night. Part of my brain is chomping at the bit to get me to head out into the workshop and go repeat what I did yesterday – just makemakemakemake without stopping. But I know that’s not the wise choice right now – long term, I’d be (and feel) better off getting these finished. While the part of my brain that craves repetitive behavior is irritatingly loud (and dopamine hungry) I know it will quickly spiral out, well beyond reasonable levels of work. I know all too well the negative toll that takes on everything else. So, finishing pens it is.

Stupid dopamine deficiency. Makes everything take more effort.

In other news: Painting Inks are coming along. I have two formulas I’m testing – one for paper and and one for canvas. Canvas inks got a test run this past weekend on the 2024 canvas.

They worked well. Took a long time to dry, which I expected, but behaved better than I had hoped for, for a first run. The stained glass effect of the shellac-base was perfect.

I think about how I feel like I don’t understand what my ingredients do as well as I should, but also know that for most of art history, none of us did. We had a general idea that this worked, and so we did it. That I have something I made up that works? That is an accomplishment. Just because I cannot break down why to someone so they can repeat it commercially doesn’t make it less of a functional thing that works. I’ve developed four ink formulas in the last year. That counts as something.

Does it matter if people who like finished art work understand why making your own mediums is significant? Does it matter if they can look at the work and tell the difference? No. I can. It gives me satisfaction, it gets me closer to the work I want to be making, and more, it is the part of the work I love most. It was never about other people anyway.

The shellac base is working well though. Thinking a phthalo blue and green, maybe a Prussian blue, plus my warm yellow and oranges, manganese violet, maybe quinacridone violet. The paper ink also plays well with the commercial ink – it took a bit of extra chemistry and it’s still rather finicky to make. If you don’t get the pH right and mix it in just so, the shellac precipitates out into a gummy mess and you’ve lost a batch.

Still enjoying myself.

Off to eat something substantial, do metal work and polishing on pens, ship an order, and if I have the brain cells left after that, respond to emails. This month hasn’t had breathing room yet, but after the first week of June, it might get easier.

Kali loses her mind a bit when I work on the laptop- reaching around the screen to paw at my hands or bite me.

Oh, shit, I keep forgetting to submit those paintings to the gallery. Shit, shit, shit. That’s got a deadline too. Guess I have to do THAT today, as well.

Alright, let’s tackle some required stuff so I can do some of the work that makes life worth living today.