I love painting.
Even though nights of pouring my guts out on to panels after long days working three other businesses (Jewelry, Jamberry, & Posh), already leaves me beyond wiped out.
That will leave a person tired. Drop dead, could cry, empty-pumpkin-insides (to use my friend Ty’s fantastic phrase), tired.
But I love painting.
That I’m still going is proof. I said I’d go back to painting when we were able to build panels, and I did – even after loss of studio space, having to switch to working on smaller panels from huge ones, even after having to change my entire painting set up to fit in the corner of the garage, even after the snarky comments from people on social media who don’t take the time to try to understand what I was doing. (If I get one more “I see a [genitalia, pet, clown face]…” comment, Rorschach will roll over in his grave.)
Yes, painting right now means cuts to budgets elsewhere, and yes, it means I get less sleep, and have less time to play and relax.
Yes, I took a year off to reset my painting practice, because I was angry, and exhausted, and Life Happened, in every sense of the word. (As it does.) It was touching at first that A LOT of people wanted to know why I ‘quit’ – why I stopped painting. But most were only really interested in when I’d go back to sharing pretty pictures on their favorite social network, instead of the other projects I was working on. (The ones that fed my kids.)
I stopped because I couldn’t make a living at something that took 40+ hours a week to do; I wasn’t going to be nothing more than a free content creator for social media streams. I wasn’t going to put up with snark and smart ass comments while my children went hungry, just to share work and be taken for granted.
So I stopped, and many of those people moved on. (Good.) I posted bits to Patreon for those who were willing to support the work, when I had something. I did a lot of soul searching, and spent a lot of time working on other projects, other businesses.
But I came back because I love painting. I always was going to come back – I just didn’t know when I’d stop being so angry. It was damaging my painting practice – it made it a miserable experience, and what is the point of doing something that should give you joy if it just makes you angry, resentful, and angsty? (There is none, unless you’re into that kinda of misery. I’m not that kind of kinky.)
I came back to my practice because I love painting, when it is all said and done – when it’s between the paint and I.
So I’m painting again, and sharing it again. Just don’t expect to see the work in your social media stream like I used to do. I’m not social media entertainment. If you love the work, you are so welcome to come to me – a little bit of proof that you love my painting, too.
To those of you who do come to me?
Thank you. <3 It’s good to have you here again.